"You cannot expect any man to follow you around when he plays second fiddle to your child."
That quote there above? I've heard it from three different guys, all giving me advice on my dating life and what not. Each time I've heard this said to me, I've felt some kind of g-force in my gut as it all falls, crashing, reeling in awareness. I've been told it should be about me....that I put Lil Man first way too much. That I deserve a small measure of happiness. I'm setting the bar too high. It's great insight to have, I suppose. From a man's perspective. And maybe one day when I'm less stubborn and less paranoid, I'll be able to consider and roll with this kind of advice.
But after much deliberation and deep meditation, this is the conclusion I've come to at this point. Right now, Lil Man is FIRST because no one else will put him first. And right now, he needs it. It would be different if he had more emotional support from the only other person he adores and trusts like his mamma. But he doesn't and that leaves too much room for disappointment, heartache, and hurt for my son. I feel it is best to focus on our relationship right now and get a good, solid foundation between us before I focus on any other relationship.
There isn't any rush to get seriously involved right now either because I still have a lot of quirks I need to work on, tons of dreams/goals/opportunities I want to grab, and lots of healing that needs to take place. Yes and YES it does get lonely and every now and then I crave a little companionship but deep inside, I know it's not time yet. And it is about me at times...not always Lil Man like some people assume. Every now and then I learn a new craft, read a book I've never read, hang out at the movies with some friends, run my butt off, chat/text/skype with my bestest of friends, and improve, improve, improve. So maybe by the time Mr. Eternal Companion shows up, I'll be more than ready to put that relationship first and foremost. Right now just ain't the time. No matter how many tears (which grow fewer by the minute) fall on my pillow, how many tubs of ice cream I devour (I haven't eaten a tub to myself in months!), or how many cold, shivering nights I do spend in my bed alone.
In the end, I know Lil Man and I will be fine and dandy. And that's my ranty rant for the night/early morning. Today no run. No workout. Today was about healthy eating and starting a food log. Ewwwww. I'm not surprised at how much I can eat...but I'm a bit appalled at what I do or don't eat. A bag of chips, lots of chocolate, and not enough veggies. All this running and pumping out push ups won't amount to much if I keep eating the way I do! Aye aye aye!! But that's what the food log is for. Not going on a diet but being more AWARE of what I eat. Awareness is good.
Anywho. Peace and happy running, peeps!
That quote there above? I've heard it from three different guys, all giving me advice on my dating life and what not. Each time I've heard this said to me, I've felt some kind of g-force in my gut as it all falls, crashing, reeling in awareness. I've been told it should be about me....that I put Lil Man first way too much. That I deserve a small measure of happiness. I'm setting the bar too high. It's great insight to have, I suppose. From a man's perspective. And maybe one day when I'm less stubborn and less paranoid, I'll be able to consider and roll with this kind of advice.
But after much deliberation and deep meditation, this is the conclusion I've come to at this point. Right now, Lil Man is FIRST because no one else will put him first. And right now, he needs it. It would be different if he had more emotional support from the only other person he adores and trusts like his mamma. But he doesn't and that leaves too much room for disappointment, heartache, and hurt for my son. I feel it is best to focus on our relationship right now and get a good, solid foundation between us before I focus on any other relationship.
There isn't any rush to get seriously involved right now either because I still have a lot of quirks I need to work on, tons of dreams/goals/opportunities I want to grab, and lots of healing that needs to take place. Yes and YES it does get lonely and every now and then I crave a little companionship but deep inside, I know it's not time yet. And it is about me at times...not always Lil Man like some people assume. Every now and then I learn a new craft, read a book I've never read, hang out at the movies with some friends, run my butt off, chat/text/skype with my bestest of friends, and improve, improve, improve. So maybe by the time Mr. Eternal Companion shows up, I'll be more than ready to put that relationship first and foremost. Right now just ain't the time. No matter how many tears (which grow fewer by the minute) fall on my pillow, how many tubs of ice cream I devour (I haven't eaten a tub to myself in months!), or how many cold, shivering nights I do spend in my bed alone.
In the end, I know Lil Man and I will be fine and dandy. And that's my ranty rant for the night/early morning. Today no run. No workout. Today was about healthy eating and starting a food log. Ewwwww. I'm not surprised at how much I can eat...but I'm a bit appalled at what I do or don't eat. A bag of chips, lots of chocolate, and not enough veggies. All this running and pumping out push ups won't amount to much if I keep eating the way I do! Aye aye aye!! But that's what the food log is for. Not going on a diet but being more AWARE of what I eat. Awareness is good.
Anywho. Peace and happy running, peeps!
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