So last week was a horrible, horrible week for me as far as the running and what not. It rained most of the week, but that's no excuse. I've run in freezing rain before....once...but I still did it. But starting Monday, I had this migraine present but lurking in the corners of my skull. Am I grateful for Excedrin! Kept the migraine at bay but I really had a hard time focusing. I just wanted to sleep! Curl up in a tight, cozy ball and sleeeep forever! Did not run one day this past week....WEAK! So I could not find the focus I needed. I felt like I was barely functioning. So this coming week, I had better get my bum in gear! Go Brina!
And then this weekend another bug bite gone wrong. Had to go to the emergency room. Boooo, although the doctor was very polite, did his work quick, and gave me some strong, potent antibiotics. Infected, abscessed! It was pretty. My whole right forearm was swollen today and I could feel the puss swimming and oozing underneath my skin. So gave in. Threw the towel in and gritted my teeth all the way to the doc's. Anesthetics are not my friend. I felt the needle. Both times! Mercy me, what pain! And then I felt the draining. Ow, ow ow! The pressure and the sting was quite unbearable. Bit down on my shirt sleeve and held my breathe the whole time. Beads of sweat popping out on my forehead and I know my heart rate was outta control! But doc was quick. Tough but quick. Now the wait at the pharmacy...that was ridiculous. I was in pain. My arm felt like it could fall off and was burning but I had to wait. One hour and thirty minutes later. Geez Louise! By that time, I felt like I'd reached my pain threshold. Raced home and took my meds and ate. Feeling better and hoping this arm starts to look normal again!
And another thing! Had a talk with a friend who's going through some heartache. This Someone-Friend asked if there was a way to get rid of all the feelings and memories right now, right now! Someone-Friend wanted every memory, feeling, pain, anger, lingering affection gone this instant. The thing is it doesn't go away that easy. It won't go away just like that. A broken heart is a hard thing to endure BUT with time, it's possible to heal all things. I know. Such an old adage. But from my experience, it's pretty, awfully true. It made me recall my own experience. "Well, what did you do?" I cried and cried and cried. Then I cried-prayed to God, pleading for some kind of relief. And I sat and waited. And waited. And waited. Trying to hide away from the pain. Trying to tuck it all back in, thinking if I don't think about it, it'll go away. But nothing happened. The pain just wouldn't go away. There were so many triggers. Trigger happy memories came floating into my head, flooding my body with deep depression. But I kept choking it all back.
And then I got up and made new memories and forced myself to embrace all the feelings resulting from my divorce, my failed marriage. While I embraced the anger, the guilt, the disappointment, the feelings of betrayal, I was suddenly also feeling spurts of happy moments. I sorted through my emotions, analyzed them, categorized them, documented them in neat, curt little phrases in my diary and continued to pray. And slowly, I found myself enjoying the happy little moments. At first those little rays of sunshine and rainbow didn't come much, but when they did or I recognized them, man I drank up like an alcoholic in prohibition era. Thirsty and not knowing if more would come. Then slowly I began to realize, these newer, happier moments had always been there; but I wouldn't have known it if I didn't face all the ugliness first, realized the ugly little things that they were and awakened to the beauty of everything else. If that makes any sense. think what I mean is, it's okay to wallow for a bit and cry and be sad about life's mishaps but it's even better when you get out and smile and DO something else. Yes, it sucks things didn't work out. But that is life. We are all human, looking for love. Looking for a place to belong. Learn from it, let it go, and go look somewhere else. Deep down inside, you know WHO you are, you know the love you deserve. Obviously not the one that walked away from you.
I continue to pray for my silly little heart. But I'm so glad I own this silly little heart that has been through so much. Because of her, I can give advice. And Someone-Friend even mentioned they were proud of how far I've come and expressed gratitude that they are able to be open and frank with me and get open and frank back. All in a day and life of Sabrina! Anywhosies! Happy running peeps!
And then this weekend another bug bite gone wrong. Had to go to the emergency room. Boooo, although the doctor was very polite, did his work quick, and gave me some strong, potent antibiotics. Infected, abscessed! It was pretty. My whole right forearm was swollen today and I could feel the puss swimming and oozing underneath my skin. So gave in. Threw the towel in and gritted my teeth all the way to the doc's. Anesthetics are not my friend. I felt the needle. Both times! Mercy me, what pain! And then I felt the draining. Ow, ow ow! The pressure and the sting was quite unbearable. Bit down on my shirt sleeve and held my breathe the whole time. Beads of sweat popping out on my forehead and I know my heart rate was outta control! But doc was quick. Tough but quick. Now the wait at the pharmacy...that was ridiculous. I was in pain. My arm felt like it could fall off and was burning but I had to wait. One hour and thirty minutes later. Geez Louise! By that time, I felt like I'd reached my pain threshold. Raced home and took my meds and ate. Feeling better and hoping this arm starts to look normal again!
And another thing! Had a talk with a friend who's going through some heartache. This Someone-Friend asked if there was a way to get rid of all the feelings and memories right now, right now! Someone-Friend wanted every memory, feeling, pain, anger, lingering affection gone this instant. The thing is it doesn't go away that easy. It won't go away just like that. A broken heart is a hard thing to endure BUT with time, it's possible to heal all things. I know. Such an old adage. But from my experience, it's pretty, awfully true. It made me recall my own experience. "Well, what did you do?" I cried and cried and cried. Then I cried-prayed to God, pleading for some kind of relief. And I sat and waited. And waited. And waited. Trying to hide away from the pain. Trying to tuck it all back in, thinking if I don't think about it, it'll go away. But nothing happened. The pain just wouldn't go away. There were so many triggers. Trigger happy memories came floating into my head, flooding my body with deep depression. But I kept choking it all back.
And then I got up and made new memories and forced myself to embrace all the feelings resulting from my divorce, my failed marriage. While I embraced the anger, the guilt, the disappointment, the feelings of betrayal, I was suddenly also feeling spurts of happy moments. I sorted through my emotions, analyzed them, categorized them, documented them in neat, curt little phrases in my diary and continued to pray. And slowly, I found myself enjoying the happy little moments. At first those little rays of sunshine and rainbow didn't come much, but when they did or I recognized them, man I drank up like an alcoholic in prohibition era. Thirsty and not knowing if more would come. Then slowly I began to realize, these newer, happier moments had always been there; but I wouldn't have known it if I didn't face all the ugliness first, realized the ugly little things that they were and awakened to the beauty of everything else. If that makes any sense. think what I mean is, it's okay to wallow for a bit and cry and be sad about life's mishaps but it's even better when you get out and smile and DO something else. Yes, it sucks things didn't work out. But that is life. We are all human, looking for love. Looking for a place to belong. Learn from it, let it go, and go look somewhere else. Deep down inside, you know WHO you are, you know the love you deserve. Obviously not the one that walked away from you.
I continue to pray for my silly little heart. But I'm so glad I own this silly little heart that has been through so much. Because of her, I can give advice. And Someone-Friend even mentioned they were proud of how far I've come and expressed gratitude that they are able to be open and frank with me and get open and frank back. All in a day and life of Sabrina! Anywhosies! Happy running peeps!
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