The Race is On!

            5K Color Vibe Fun!!!!                         

We got there at 7am! Whew!

Alright so today Lil Man and I participated in the Color Vibe 5K!!! Soooo much fun! Lil Man especially loved running through the color stations! We didn't run the WHOLE thing but we ran enough to satisfy my running needs but not overwhelm my already sore and tight muscles. Loved the music. Loved the color stations. Loved all the brightness. We saw people in capes, multi-colored wigs, tutus, bare chested men (rawrs), the cutest lil girls in tutus, girls with wings and wild colored hair. It was a radical, good time!

There were plumes of color throughout and this is us afterwards!!

My friend, Rebecca, and Lil Man enjoying a lil rollin in the bright blue powder!

"Look, mom! I'm a bulldozer!"

He had a good time and was proud of his color "mustache" 

Don't know what this face was about...but I think someone was pretty tired =)

Yep...there goes the eye rubbin...either the powder was bothering him OR nap time!!

DUDE! I'm ready for another 5K!

Flirty Flirty....Or Maybe Not...

T25, School, and Flirty Flirtations

You Come Here Often?

Stooooooorrry time!!!!! I always rarely have these encounters. Normal encounters that wouldn't be so weird, I guess, if it weren't for my reaction. I mean, I'm a sociable person (well slightly awkward at times) but sometimes things just go over my head and I'm left feeling clueless and sometimes foolish. And by encounters, I mean run-ins with, you know, boys....men....the other gender.

So I'm standing in line at the grocery store. Yep. The grocery store. I'm putting my items on the belt. Lil man is making his high pitched, shrill noises and I'm trying to convince him that if he's more quiet, he can hear people's brain waves...it caught his attention for a while. So while he's pondering and listening, I'm putting the rest of the items up and out of the shopping cart.

"Excuse me, ma'am..." I hear a male voice behind me and I'm immediately annoyed at being addressed as ma'am. And when I'm perturbed I do things in slow motion. I turn around slowly, preparing my eyes for the amount of rolling I'd like to do and then I see the guy's face, and the eyes forget to roll.

"May you grab one of those little red baskets for me, please?" Oh my! He has manners. I'll let the ma'am slide this time.

"Yes, of course," I say in my phone voice. We all have that voice. The nice, polite, one octave higher (for females), and pretty voice. I kind of struggle with the baskets a little. The handles were all tangled and junks so it took a little maneuvering but of course, I pulled it off. I hand him the basket with my sweetest smile. I'm expecting a thank you at this point. This is what I get:

"Do you come here often?" and bless his heart...that smile was as endearing and charming as ever. And he had very nice teeth. And this is how I go with it....

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...." my head swings back as the boisterous roar of a laugh escapes me and rolls forward again, and I see him standing there just smiling, looking kind of confused. I realize that maybe I'm laughing way too hard for the situation and I try to get it under control.

"Oh well this is my grocery store...." I'm still giggling a bit. And he keeps talking about some other trivial things, makes one last joke which I can't remember, and tells me, "See ya around then, I hope..."

I just nod my head and let him walk off. I have not had enough experience with these kinds of things to know what I'm supposed to say or do, really. Especially when the phrase he used was something I'd only heard about and was more like urban legend. Guys really say this to girls in random places? 'Do you come here often?' I think I was stunned to the point of mind paralysis with a side of epileptic laughing. I was still musing about the ordeal when I hear the older lady in front of me say:

"He was tryin ta get yo numbah..." she chuckles, her belly rolling with her chuckles.

"What? No!! He could be a rapist...these days you just never know..." I shrug it off, smiling sheepishly. This woman had caught me in my awkward moment....how even more awkward. Yay....an audience.

"Mmmkay...it's good to be safe but you gon be lonely forevah..." she said, moving along with pity for me.

I almost responded with, "I don't see a ring on your fing-gah..." but I didn't because she was already on her way out and these days it's possible she isn't single and just living with her boyfriend who sent her out for wine, cheese, and grapes.

But yeah...I have got to work on my responses and wit. Aside from my awkward laugh, though, he was a pretty handsome looking guy. Too bad I am too much of an awkward chimpanzee to realize he was trying to get my contact info....but honestly, I don't think I would have given it anyway. Not a good idea. Total stranger and I'm sticking to the 'he might be a rapist' frame of mind

So that's ze story. I live an excitable life!

Sourness

WARNING: I'm in a hateful, ridiculously sour mood....... 

Monday's are always filled with sleepy murmurings of exhaustion, lack of sleep, and lack of motivation to get things done. Counterproductive thoughts lurk behind every good intention to get ahead and stay ahead. I don't know what is is about Mondays, but I do pity Monday; and yet, I, too could do without Mondays. Sorry, Monday. It's the truth. But I don't know what is about this day, there's always such negativity. All the relaxation and calm from the weekend is wasted and is almost as if the weekend were obsolete entirely. Should be a fresh start but no. It's a roller coaster collision with the ground from one hundred feet up. And today was just especially more rough with it being lil man's first day. Once again, crowds. Not that bad today but still, there were children, teachers, parents, grandparents, siblings, dogs milling around everywhere, talking all at once. And letting go of lil man today just tore my heart apart. When did he get so big? When did he grow so tall? Where is all his baby fat? And what happened to my resolve not to cry? So yeah, dealing with those emotions and then just the tension and negative vibes everywhere today!!! What a day indeed.

Ick....crowds...not my thang

And aside from all my mothering jitters and such....I felt like stabbing the world in the eye. Rude people on the phone. Rude people on the road. Rude people in traffic. Frown upon frown. Furrowed, angry eyebrows. Short, terse words. And soon, I found myself wearing such a sour, pouting face. Shortly thereafter I found myself detesting men. Detesting the men who sit under the tree right before you exit the gates at work. Just sitting there, ogling, whistling, cat-calling. Cat-calling---one of the most detestable forms of communication. Old men, young men, stupid men, ignorant men, educated men....all are susceptible to display such degradation of women. And as these thoughts took seed and bloomed, it dawned on me....I will probably be an old maid once divorced. There is this natural instinct in me to seek and desire to be with someone...I'm aware of this. And yet, little by little I don't care. 

And so....I hate men. There. I said it. Point blank. To the point. After all that rubbish above...the conclusion is that the idea of being single forever grows more appealing as I deal with more and more men who lack integrity, class, respect, and a brain, to say the least. Who has time for dating anyway? Who has time to meet anyone even to date? Call me bitter. Call me cynical. Call me whatever. I'm in a horrendous mood and it doesn't matter what you call me, I said it. So...yeah. 

How the time flies

I AM BOOTIFUL!

Panic Attacks and Friggin Smart Kids

love thy self

One Tub of Ice Cream!

The other night, I was smiling over a bowl *ahem...tub...* of ice cream, chatting with the sibling. Just scooping spoon after spoon of cold, creamy goodness into my mouth.

"You gonna eat the rest of that ice cream?" the sib asks, skepticism and harsh scorn on her face as she peered into the tub of HEB Buttered Pecan ice cream I had under my chin.

"Yes..." spoon midway to my mouth. Self doubt filling me and I could already feel the self-defensive me rise to the surface.

"Why? You know it's wrong...why are you doing it?" I'm feeling chagrined and shameful yet defiant and stubborn.

"I don't know!" I reply. Short, unforgiving, and non-apologetic. The sib leaves and I sit there with my tub of ice cream. Weak sauce! Why am I eating this worthless, empty bowl  tub of ice cream?!? What is wrong with me? And I thought of all the bad, bad things I'd eaten during the week. Oreos, two donuts, oreos, more ice cream, fast food....empty food.

It seems I've been feeling a little self-destructive lately. I haven't run in a while, I'm not eating well, I lay awake at night with a million thoughts racing while sleep skips it's merry way out of my world. Sometimes I stand at my window at night and stare out, wishing I could just drive away. Drive far away, lie under the stars, and fade into nothing while gazing at the universe above.

There are times when I'm in-expressively depressed and I just float. A co-worker struck up a conversation on depression. Depression is a choice. This co-worker was adamant about this, believed it. Yes, I choose to go from being wonderfully elated and happy one minute to dragging one foot in front of the other, sad and lonely and depressed. I want these nightmares and fears haunting me with no one to really talk to about them....no one that wouldn't think, geeeeezzzzzz, this one's gone off the deep end! At some point, yes, you have to get up, gather yourself, and just walk. And make an effort to just BE happy. It's a process for some people, though.

Depression is not just about being sad and down. It's losing faith in people because so many have hurt you. It's losing zest for life because you've been beaten so much at everything. It's expecting the worst because that's all that has ever happened to you. It's having enough traumatizing events in your life occur that you feel like all of life is disheartening, and traumatic and you're just waiting for the next kick in the arse. I wanted to yell at this person, "Ever have a loved one die in your arms after seven minutes of CPR?" It's not feeling good enough. It's feeling worthless because someone made you feel like dirt and scum.

The thing is people walk around with their assumptions about depression, talking up a storm about how it can be this and that; and you can do this and that to control it... to get over it. And all along, there's a person next to them suffering from clinical or chronic depression and they wouldn't even know it. Yes, please tell me how depression is a choice. But yes. I did make some choices. Hopefully, it'll help. 

Inch by Inch

The past six years I've been constantly cutting my hair. Shorter and shorter and shorter. I colored it. Bleached it. Dyed it red, brown, red, black, red...see ein pattern? No more!! February I had the urge to shear the locks again...but I told myself NO! And I haven't...not even an inch....except to trim the silly little bangs so that I don't have an overbearing forehead. 

November 2012

Well, I plan on letting it grow, grow, grow. Muahahahahahaha!!! I don't know. I guess I just miss the old hair.  

July 2013

So here's to happy longer-hair growing. Not the best idea during the heat of South Texas summer but I've kept it up this long. Growing up, I always had long hair for as long as I could remember. Flowing down my back in long, straight strands all the way past my waist. And I used to constantly dream of the day when I could get rid of ALL of it. Pixie cut short. Now I know, I can't pull that look off. These days, the gradual hair loss has me missing my once thick, long, jet-black hair. So here's to an attempt (of many, I'm sure) to grow it out again just like when I was "younger." 

Oh another thing I'm growing. Our new dispatcher at work gave the office girls some sunflower seeds....and guess what we came up with? Sunflower growing competition! Let the race begin! I hope I win!